Healing the Cheating Heart

By Brian Bohrer

In “Your Cheating Heart,” by Hank Williams, one of the lines is, “Your cheatin' heart will tell on you.”

I know that it’s just a song, but isn’t that the truth? We may think that we can keep sexual sins a secret, but eventually they come to light. Recently we’ve seen many prominent men fall. We will always remember the Elliot Spitzer debacle. The term “Client Number Nine” has entered the popular lexicon thanks to the former New York Governor’s embarrassing involvement in the seedy world of prostitution.

So why do men cheat when they have a beautiful wife and a loving family? Why do they risk everything for sex?

Spitzer was brought down by his willingness to succumb to his lustful desires. But he’s not alone. Many men, especially powerful men and those driven in their careers may be especially susceptible. It seems that deception often comes with power. The more power men have, the more they think they can get away with. Now men may never admit what I am telling them, but it is the truth. This is why men, with so much power or leadership ability, often fall to sexual sin.

There may be a chemical side to this as well. Marvin Zuckerman, a pioneering psychologist and author of Sensation Seeking and Risky Behavior, writes that sensation seekers have lower levels of monoamine oxidase A, which regulates the brain's levels of dopamine, the "pleasure" neurotransmitter. Cheating men have the desire to take greater risks and most of them are very successful in business. Their lust for power and for sex comes from the same part of the brain.

Many Christian men have the same battle. Just because a guy goes to church does not mean he is free from the physiological dimensions of lust. But by remaining aware of these tendencies—knowing how the brain and the mind operate—you can avoid becoming Client Number 10.

Hank Williams’ song also says, “Your cheatin' heart will make you weep, you'll cry and cry and try to sleep. But sleep won't come the whole night through.” Here are some tips to help you ensure that won’t happen to you.

1. Study how men think. Understanding the tendencies of your mind will alert you to the need to battle temptation and drive home the realization that all men have funky brains. You’re not alone.

2. It all begins with desire. Pray for the desire to master your mind before it masters you.

3. Denial keeps you in bondage. Once you drag your hidden thoughts out into the light, they are easier to control. Secrets keep you sick. God heals what you reveal. Get involved with a men’s group where you can discuss your struggles. A godly support group will help you expose the addiction and to defeat it before it becomes an action.

4. Observe the three-second rule. This teaching was introduced to our men’s group and it has been a great help. It teaches us that we have three seconds to look the other way when our eyes desire to look at things. You have three fast seconds to turn your head and say to your eyes, “No, you are not going to rule me.”

5. Feed your faith and starve your imagination. Don’t feed your imagination Victoria’s Secret magazine or porn. Feed your faith and learn how to cast down imaginations and thoughts that are not in line with the Word of God. Learn to speak to thoughts and tell them that your spirit man is in control and those lewd thoughts are no longer welcome.

Lust is the heroin of the imagination. If we desire to be clean and free from the addiction, we must understand the battle within the mind and how you must hold ourselves accountable to others. Lust is not something that we cast out. Lust is something that you master. If not, it will bring you to ruin and master you.

Pastor Brian Bohrer is the author of a new book for men Eye-Wired Men. Contact him online at www.pastorbrian.org.