Last year, I had the privilege of serving as a public educator in an elementary school. I was assigned to Team Estrogen. Most elementary schools have some kind of theme for the year. At our school last year the theme was “Hormones” and each team or grade level was assigned one.* For whatever reason, “Testosterone” was excluded.

Team Estrogen comprised four teachers, three of whom were women. Now, 81 percent of the faculty at this north Georgia public school are Southern Baptists. Out of 100 faculty, staff, administration and “para-pros,” 81 were Southern Baptists, eight were Methodists, one was Adventist, two were Presbyterian (but not the same kind of Presbyterian), one was Catholic (who attended Presbyterian), two were Church of God, one was Church of Christ, one was Assemblies of God and three were Democrats. Yet Team Estrogenwas only 25 percent Southern Baptist. Now is that a fair representation?

• Suzanne Picklesimer, bilingual Southern Baptist minister’s wife and missionary’s daughter
• Wanda MaCoy, Church of Christ (Tennessee kind, not “United” kind)
• Mandy Gregg, Catholic from Alabama who attends liberal Presbyterian
• Eric Minter, Assemblies of God pastor              

That’s me there at the bottom, an army of one. If you haven’t yet gotten the idea of what an interesting mix this was look at it this way. Team Estrogen had a Mike Huckabee supporter, a Ron Paul supporter, a Barack Obama supporter and a guy who keeps writing in “Newt Gingrich.” Since politics was not enough to keep a discussion going, we decided throw in some thorny doctrinal questions from time to time as a means of stimulating the lagging conversation.

Meet Mandy, the “Cathotyrian,” who had no evangelical point of reference whatsoever and was trying to make sense of the fishbowl into which she had been cast. I genuinely came to like this girl. It should not have been possible because all of her opinions were wrong and her general line of thinking was riddled with blatant, glaring, screeching error. If she had not stubbornly insisted on laughing at everything I said, we’d have never gotten along.

One day she asked me what our church taught against. I’m all about relating and understanding so I gave it to her straight.

“We teach against Disney World and Harry Potter. Ted Kennedy is like John the Baptist for the Antichrist. The earth is precisely 6,000 years old and not one second more, and we’re shaping up for a 2012 rapture. Israel rocks!” (This last said with a vigorous fist-pump.)

I regularly worked with first graders so I thought I knew what a blank look was. Now I know what a blank look is. I remember telling my prospective mother-in-law the night I first met her, that I was actually the anonymous author of “Footprints”and that after I sold the rights of the poem to Home Interior, I was able to live off the royalties, and that’s why I didn’t have a job. Think of that look. That was the look on Mandy’s face.

Mandy hits me with a rapid-fire series of questions such as “What’s wrong with Disney World? What’s wrong with Harry Potter? What is a ‘rapture’? What do you mean by that about Ted Kennedy?” etc. It fell to me to bring her up to date on the official evangelical interface with the world, the boycott. As Jesus said, “They will know you are my disciples by what you boycott.”

So here I am, not driving Fords, going to Disneyland, or eating at McDonald’s, and nobody even knows! I mean, sure, she’s a Presbytherolic and all, but she’s been in church every week and she’s never heard of this stuff. Well, now she knows. I have recorded her response here for our mutual consideration.

By “you people,” she meant “evangelicals.” You needn’t worry. I defended us well. Using my best imitation of the narrator’s voice from Superfriends, I replied, “Yes. Yes, we are! So you better shape up, Missy!”

I have to say I’m as irritated and frustrated with anyone that’s pushy. And I worry about living in the world that my sons are being raised to save. So when I finally engage the world, I’ve usually waited long past my boiling point and erupt in reaction to what insane people are doing to it. I mean, there is an already huge and still growing segment of society that truly believes the greatest problem we face as a planet are rising temperatures. (Fossil fuels rock! Just kidding; I disgust myself.)

God has clearly said that it’s a world worth saving but I’m not sure we Christians always agree with Him on this. There’s a part of me that struggles not to tell the world to go hang itself. There’s this other part of me still trying to save the world but I’m doing it by whacking sinners over the head with a King James family Bible. No wonder we have an image problem. But it is just an image. It’s not the reality.

The smartest, funniest, most genuine, and interesting people I know or want to know are all followers of Jesus. The best-hearted, most giving, most compassionate, most forgiving, loving, and merciful people I know or want to know are again, all born-again believers. We are not generally speaking, uptight fear-mongers. (I like the word “monger.” It means “one who mongs.”) But somehow, the world is failing to see who we really are. Again, Jesus said, “And you shall know the truth, for the truth will be displayed on your church marquees.”

*Patently false. Hormones were not used as team names in any Georgia Public schools as far as the author knows. It is a sexist remark intended to convey the author’s sense of being overwhelmed by moving to the predominantly female environment of elementary school after teaching 10 years in high school. The author apologizes in advance and also wishes to blame the editors who let the statement get by them.

**Names mostly changed but work situation is absolutely true.