How You Can Help Fight Homosexuality

By Jeff Buchanan

I am your typical SUV-driving, three-bedroom 2-1/2 bath-dwelling, college-educated, student-loan-paying, 20-minute-$4-a-gallon-commuting, cholesterol-watching, PDA-addicted, married, suburbanite, American middle-aged male. Oh, yes--throw pastor and former homosexual into that pile as well. But let’s come back to that.

In the midst of all of this, the role of mentor also takes a slice of my calendar. We are facing a generation that is in need of great guidance if they are to fulfill the destiny that God has for them. If we do not step up to disciple a younger generation, then others are all too eager to take on the task.

Simply Google (yes, it’s also a verb now) “mentoring,” and you will find more than 21 million hits. However, most of those are community and corporate programs. Where is the church? Where are the men and women that are committed to “go therefore and make disciples of all the nations?”

Sometimes we entertain the idea of being a “mentor” to someone as long as it can be done in an eight-week track or with 12 clearly defined steps. I find it interesting that Jesus took 12 uneducated Galileans and invested not eight weeks but three years of intense personal time. If it took Jesus that long to make someone into a disciple, why should I expect to be able to do it by going through a workbook?

We always look for high yield with minimal investment. Christ modeled something quite different. If we want to have a spiritual legacy, we must be willing to make the investment required to leave that legacy.

Now let’s come back to that comment about me being a pastor and a former homosexual. These two aspects of my life coexist because of the role mentoring has had in my personal growth. Men who had various places in my life gave me keys to my identity, purpose and freedom.

They were men who chose to spend time with me and show an interest in who I was and what I was about. They were not master mentors or especially skilled in the art of church discipleship. They simply had walked a path before me and gave me encouragement and instruction along the way. A few were committed for the long haul. It was that consistency, in whatever shape it took, that had the largest impact on my life.

Because someone took the time to show me grace and tell me the truth, I was able to find freedom, as well as my calling and purpose. Now I stand committed to continuing that lineage and legacy. However, I do not want to stand alone.

Exodus International is a ministry committed to mobilizing the body of Christ to minister grace and truth to a world impacted by homosexuality. Each year Exodus hosts an International Freedom Conference to help fulfill that mission. At this year’s conference in Asheville, N.C. men, women, ministers, friends and families came together to become equipped to help those who struggle with same-sex attraction find freedom or find freedom for themselves. More than 800 delegates came from all over the world to attend the only conference of its kind.

I met with one young man who had spent most of his life in the gay community, culture and activism. During the conference he came to the place of choosing to leave everything behind. As we talked about what life would look like for him after the week was over he said, “Jeff, I’m scared to leave here. I know if I go back home I’ll fall back into the same trap. I don’t have anyone to help me walk through this.”

Gentlemen, this should not be so! These men so desperately need fathers and brothers who will walk with them on their journey and demonstrate the compassion of Christ.

It always seems easier to help someone who is struggling with heterosexual pornography or lust issues because it’s something that is easy to identify with. However, just spend a little time with a man struggling with same-sex attractions and you will discover incredible similarities to your own struggles and wounds. Many times the roots of our struggles are the same but just find different expressions in different people.

“OK, I’m willing—but how do I help?” you may ask. Good question. Let’s look at some specific ways to be an effective mentor:

Be Compassionate. Too often, these men have had harsh, distant or uncaring representations of male models in their lives. Many may have been rejected by pastors or men in the church because of their struggle. Be willing to show them acceptance for exactly where they are. Remember, no one ever asked to have same-sex attractions. It is not a choice. The only choice involved is whether or not we act on our temptations.

Be Consistent. This is where commitment is crucial. Demonstrate that you are committed to them and the mentoring relationship. Sometimes they may be expecting the inevitable rejection to come along or see inconsistency as a lack of concern. Make sure that you are being intentional in the relationship.

Be Involved. Become a part of their lives and include them in yours. Many need to see examples of healthy family relationships. Mentoring provides discipleship in all areas of life: spiritual and practical. Our spiritual and professional lives are to be fully integrated. Some may need assistance with finances, buying a home or purchasing a car.

Sound like a lot? Sure, but doesn’t everything that has unlimited potential and worth come with a price? I wouldn’t trade my experience of contributing to the growth and freedom of another man for anything. Yes, it requires time, sacrifice, personal investment, patience and commitment. But to know that you are pouring into a legacy of spiritual sons and daughters is worth it all.