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 Marriage on a Mission By Ted Roberts Change is the name of the game in marriage. But the question is, what are you changing into as husband and wife? Are you moving toward your God-given dreams together, or are you moving toward a dead end? Marriage at times can be a real challenge. Seventy percent of wives experience a significant drop in their marital satisfaction after having their first babies because they embrace a new sense of "we-ness" which includes the child, while the husband is still stuck in the old "just the two of us" mode. Escape the Widow-Maker! By David Stevens, M.D. If it wasn't so sad, it would have been funny to see all those women chasing my widowed 80-year-old father-in-law at his recent high school reunion. He loved all the attention, but it is easy to be the big man on campus at your 60th reunion.
Why? It's simple. Most of your high school buddies are dead. By then they are pushing daisies instead of pulling their golf carts. Three out of four people over the age of 80 are women, since the average age of death for men is 73. Short of marrying a woman seven years your senior, what can a man do to escape the widow-maker? You might be surprised at some of the answers on how to live longer and happier. 8 Myths About Male Authority (and 8 Truths) By Joel Hunter We live in a society that is pushing for male sensitivity and female strength. That's fine. But much of the current societal norms are a reaction to a perverted idea of God-given male authority. If men could understand the authority God gives to them, they would not have to surrender to the culture's emasculation of their role. If wives could understand their husbands' roles, they would see that support of their husbands' leadership would make themselves more free and secure, not less. Many Christian men today are wimps. They hate themselves for it, and women do not respect them because of it. So, let me remind you of eight ways that our culture perverts the biblical understanding of male authority … then we will see the list of how a “real man” exercises his authority. Superman at Work...Clark Kent at Home Recently, God revealed a disturbing truth to me--I live a double life! I have two distinct personas-- one at work and one at home. At work I am a fearless leader and problem-solver. In fact, at work there are no problems, only "leadership challenges." But, inexplicably, during the 10-minute drive home, I undergo a perplexing transformation. During that short commute, the leadership skills and winning attitudes that helped me succeed all day drain out of me as though my home were made of kryptonite. Discriminating Against Dad? By Robert Blodgett Today's working man is encountering a new war front: the battle for his role in the family. In the workplace, this skirmish has turned into a battle that some are saying looks a lot like discrimination--family discrimination. Men today are trying to cope with an environment that has become downright hostile toward all family caregivers, particularly fathers.
You'd think that in a time when Karen Hughes, one of President Bush's top political advisors, receives top news coverage for abandoning her powerful White House job to move to Texas to be with family, men would have benefited from the announcement. But unfortunately, even today, men are still left in the gallery to watch as observers. Most of us never knew about Bill Galston, the "Karen Hughes" of the Clinton administration. Galston also made the choice to forgo his powerful Washington position in honor of his family commitment. But when he made his announcement, there was little fanfare. One Size Fits All By Ken R. Canfield On Father's Day you may get another "interesting" tie, the latest golf gadget or a pair of wild boxer shorts. But as you're celebrating, don't forget that you're also a son, and it's good for you to honor your father or father figure. Here's how:
Affirm Him. Your father deserves your honor and appreciation--if for no other reason than he is your father.
Honoring him doesn't mean endorsing his irresponsibility, workaholism or abuse; you're not denying what he did wrong or the pain he caused you. Instead, you're choosing to place great value on your relationship with him, recognizing the good he has done and taking initiative to improve the relationship. Secrets of Fabulous Fathers By Edwin Louis Cole The legacy of a father is the character he instills in his sons and daughters. The greatest words any man can hear are, "That's my dad!"
Society, which begins in the church, must affirm traditional marriage as vital, teach parents to love and care for their children, strengthen families to strengthen the community, and teach children the importance of relationships. A man's life is summed up or founded on three things: stewardship, relationship and leadership. All three are vitally important with children. To be a father is to be the procreator of a human life that is formed and fashioned in the image and likeness of God. That is a sacred matter. A child is to be the product of love--not lust. Too often when it is just lust, the life given is not regarded as sacred, and abortion is the result. E-Dads! 8 Web sites EVERY dad needs to know about 1. Fathers.com Sponsored by The National Center for Fathering, this site provides a wide array of resources for dads, including expert advice on handling the various stages of a child's development.
2. Newdads.com This online "boot camp for new dads" is a great resource for first-time fathers with specific advice on taking care of your baby or toddler.
3. Keepkidshealthy.com This Web site supplies you with resources that will assist you from birth to adolescence, including parenting tips on hot topics such as bed-wetting, discipline, potty training and sleeping habits. How to Think Like a Kid Child-development professionals categorize kids into two main groups:
1. naturally compliant, intrinsically kind, inherently logical children 2. your children. Let the Blames Begin! One of the big advantages of marriage is the security of knowing that, come what may in this uncertain world, you always have a partner you can blame.
Blame is a marital perk that ranks right up there with sex. Considering that the average guy can perform blame multiple times in a single day, and even several times per hour if he has built up his stamina, blame is arguably even better than sex.
Go ahead, admit it. Blame makes us feel good, which is why we do it. Blame is a great way to relieve tension. You can be feeling all surly and grouchy, perhaps not even knowing why, and you find sweet release in blaming your wife, or the kids, or co-workers, or the state legislature, or the dog or the Chicago Bears. Newly-Used Car Contentment I have never attempted to trade in a car when purchasing a new one, mostly due to the fact that the only reason I ever need another car is because my current car has just endured a lingering, unpleasant death and rigor mortis has set in.
There is not a big trade-in market for vehicles that appear to have been stricken with a potent strain of vehicular black plague.
I believe in extracting every last ounce of heart, soul and rust from my cars. After they have been driven for well over a decade, with slipping transmissions and a host of other distressing maladies, my cars eventually realize that there is no end in sight and, utterly bereft of hope, choose to commit automotive hari-kari. The Difference a Father Can Make You may struggle with feelings of inadequacy regarding your fathering abilities, but you have a God-given role to protect and provide for your family. And you have great impact on developing character in your sons. Fathering is at the heart of masculinity, of what it means to be a man. Godly fathers put others' needs before their own. If you're like me, you spend the majority of your conscious thought and effort on satisfying your own wants and needs. It's almost an unconscious response to life. But if we are to be authentic men and fathers, we need to rethink that attitude and consciously make sacrifices so others can benefit and prosper.
When fathers neglect this duty or are absent from the home, predators attack families. Young men, such as gang members, who are raised without the influence of older men often become marauding wolves themselves–predators preying on women and children for their own self-gratification.
Unhappily Devoted My wife and kids came to dread our family devotional time, until I hit on a new strategy that really transformed the experience for all of us. I quit!
Many men, me included, have found leading devotions to be a hugely daunting task, on par with bull fighting or, more terrifying yet, hanging wallpaper with our spouses. Why can’t Max Lucado make house calls?
If you start early in the lives of your kids, devotions aren’t actually all that hard. All you need is a Bible storybook with great pictures and you are basically set. You read the story, say prayers and tuck them in. And they love it. They absolutely adore this time with you, and they hang on your every word. Who Designated This Driver? The fact that teenagers can legally drive proves one of three things: (1) Your state legislators hate you; or (2) Your state legislators smoke crack; or (3) Your legislators smoke crack and hate you.
What other explanation is there? How could any benevolent group of lawmakers decide, "Hey! Let's allow teenagers to operate what is basically a 2,000-pound bomb on wheels."
These elected officials are NUTS.
I think the minimum driving age should be 32. Wouldn't you feel much safer if you knew that every driver was alive while Richard Nixon was president? I certainly would. Ways to Protect Your Kids From Negative Influences The way to protect your kids from negative influences is to model your heavenly Father who affirms the mind, body, spirit and heart of His children.
Mind—The Bible says, "As he thinks, so is he" (see Prov. 23:7). So, affirming the mind is about helping your kids think in a way that will yield right actions. It's about instilling godly wisdom in them. And, it's important not to mistake wisdom for knowledge. Knowledge is simply the act of knowing.
Wisdom is knowing what is right and then doing it. (Remember, Adam and Eve had knowledge about the tree of good and evil but it provided little protection from the tempter.) Regardless of your children's ages, reading books that reflect God's wisdom is an effective way to affirm their minds. The Invisible Man Millions of dads are not in the picture, and it's putting kids and entire communities at risk. Only 'model fathers' can avert this crisis. Fact: 24 million American children, one out of every three, grow up in a home in which their fathers do not live. In minority communities, the problem is even worse. Two out of three African-American children and about half of Hispanic children live in fatherless homes. Compare this to 1960, when only 8 million American children lived in father-absent homes. There has been a steady, 35-year climb in the number of fatherless children that only started leveling off in the late 1990s. In fact, never before in our nation's history have so many children grown up apart from dad.
It is also important to recognize that physical father absence is not the only form of absence that is damaging to children. Unfortunately, many fathers are physically present, but emotionally and spiritually absent from their children's lives. The suburban dad who works 70 hours per week is case-and-point. How to Protect Your Kids From Sexual Predators 1. Be aware. Know where your children are and whom they are with at all times. Most victims are molested by someone you and your children know and trust.
2. Be watchful. Look out for adults or teenagers who pay an unusual amount of attention to your children, spend large amounts of time with your child, or give gifts to your child.
3. Check everyone. Including baby sitters, neighbors, relatives, youth leaders, teachers and coaches. Fathering the Heart My son is getting straight As," boasted John's dad. "He's a starter on the football team, and, best of all, he isn't into earrings, tattoos and all that weirdness. He's not like so many kids today."
What's wrong with this picture? Maybe nothing, but maybe a lot.
Too many Christian dads concern themselves primarily with how their children perform. As long as their children perform well—doing OK in school, looking clean-cut, saying "please" and "thank you"—these fathers believe everything's fine. Yet the Bible says, "'Man looks at the outward appearance, but the Lord looks at the heart'" (1 Sam. 16:7, NIV). Stark-Raving Dad We handed the wrapped birthday present to our teenage son Brad and watched with anticipation as he began to open it.
He extracted the sturdy “Relic” brand watch, stared at it for a moment, and then murmured, “This is so sick.”
I cringed. My wife and I examined dozens and dozens of watches before selecting the one we felt Brad would most appreciate, but we couldn't really know if it would suit him. But for crying out loud, even if he didn't like it he didn't have to be so rude. Your Teenager Is Having Sex Or, he might be soon ... here's what you can do about it. It's a cold hard fact that no father wants to hear, but teenagers are becoming increasingly sexually active. The last thing you want to find out is that your child is having sex, experimenting with sex or even being tempted to have sex. With so many forces working against them, it's up to you as a father to confront the issue swiftly and decisively.
That's why New Man asked Eric and Leslie Ludy, authors of Teaching True Love to a Sex-at-13 Generation, for some practical advice on how you can help protect your child's innocence:
New Man: What do fathers need to look for to find out whether or not their kids are having sex? A Father's Mission: Impossible Christian music vet Steve Taylor traveled the globe, challenging international laws to become a dad. Steve Taylor should have known by now to expect the unexpected. His entire adult life has consisted of sharp twists and turns that would cause most to don a neck brace. Yet when Taylor and his wife, Debbie, traveled to Uganda in 2004 with Compassion International, neither anticipated the life-changing decision they would soon face.
As a Christian music artist and former executive with Squint Entertainment (a label he founded), Taylor has visited many Third World countries. Taylor’s trip to Africa was his second … that's when he and his wife of 20 years met a little girl named Sarah, who grew up in Compassion International's Agape Children's Village, which houses more than 120 AIDS orphans.
When Debbie told her husband she wanted to adopt Sarah, he was “both stunned and really happy about the idea.” From Fatherless To Father Figure ESPN analyst Mike Gottfried lost his dad when he was just 11. Now, he's rallying Christian men to help combat the negative effects of an increasingly fatherless society. When Mike Gottfried looks into the eyes of a fatherless boy, he sees a slightly dimmed light that carves a path deep into the soul. He understands the hidden pain, the self-doubt and the lack of confidence that never goes away.
Gottfried knows exactly how the fatherless boy feels because when he looks into his eyes, it's like he's peering through a portal into his own past.
Gottfried was just 11 years old when his father died. He latched on to several father figures throughout his life including an uncle and various coaches. That guidance helped him stay out of trouble and eventually led to a successful career as a college football coach. His professional stops included the University of Cincinnati and Pittsburgh University. In 1990, he moved to the broadcast booth as a college football color analyst for ESPN. Iron Men Father-son triathlon team Brad and Ben Hagkull prove that where there's a will, there's a way. They're the gut-wrenching moments no parent wants to go through. The answering machine light flashes red: Please call the family physician. There are “irregularities” with your wife's ultrasound. Come in right away to discuss the results. Your unborn child has spina bifida.
Boom. Just like that.
For Brad Hagkull, a youth pastor outside Vancouver, B.C.-and his family, it was as if a bomb exploded in their world that day seven years ago. Ministry Encourages Fathers When Bodie Spangler's father unexpectedly passed away 16 years ago, he had no idea what kind of impact it would have on his future. Today, the 39-year-old Dallas businessman's personal loss has translated into a ministry to fathers.
Spangler's relationship with his dad was rock solid. He always assumed that most men enjoyed the same benefits throughout their childhoods, but over time he realized that was not the case. This inspired Spangler to pen his first book, When I Grow Up to Be a Daddy (Star Bible Publications). It was also written for his three sons—ages 5, 3 and 1—so they might know what kind of man their grandfather was.
When one of Spangler's pastors at Highland Park United Methodist Church approached him about starting a men's ministry, he asked if it could be geared specifically toward fathers. Since that conversation, Spangler has organized a monthly breakfast for dads. 'Honey, What Should I Wear?' How to put down the remote, look her in the eyes, and tell her what she needs to hear. “What do you think—red or black?” I looked up from my reading to see my wife, Beth, standing in the doorway. In one hand she held a red dress, in the other a black dress. Her question reminded me that I would soon need to join her in getting ready for the banquet my company was hosting that evening. She continued: “I think I wore the greenish pantsuit last year, because it was right after we had Ethan [our youngest son], and I needed something looser fitting…” When Your Girl Discovers Boys If a friendly stranger begins to phone your daughter, don’t get mad. Get ready. Every father of a daughter knows it will come some day. I knew it ever since the doctor in the delivery room said, “It’s a girl!” But as the father of three girls, I still wasn’t prepared when the day actually arrived.
My daughter has discovered boys.
The ghastly moment of awakening came during a joyful time for our family. My middle daughter celebrated her ninth birthday in true female fashion: she filled our house with fourth-grade girls. Ponytails and curls everywhere, 11 girls in all. On the Brink of an Affair When my husband’s best friend kissed me on the doorstep, I was gripped with ecstasy and horror. What would happen to my marriage? “Maybe I’ll stop by tomorrow. I know your evening get long and lonely when Del’s at work.” Johnny paused at my front door. He slowly turned to face me. Our eyes locked and instinctively I knew he planned to kiss me. What frightened me more than the prospect of his kiss was the fact that I wanted it, longed for it, even dreamed of it.
In the next heart-stopping moment, he swept me into his arms, kissing me with a passion that I hadn’t experienced in years. My lips returned his kiss. My mind screamed no, but my heart cried yes. This was Johnny, my husband’s good friend. What was I doing?
After the breath-stealing kiss, I heard him whisper: “I think I’m falling in love with you. I don’t know what to do. You’re Del’s wife.” His guilt-filled blue eyes begged for forgiveness and understanding. Time Well Spent How to cut the fat from a busy dad’s schedule and make every minute count. Like millions of football fans, I'll be glued to my TV set this season, but I'm going to spend no more than 30 minutes on each game. You may be wondering: Aren't you going to miss most of the action? Don't you know that last two minutes of many NFL contest can take 30 minutes, as teams swap time-outs and discuss last tenth-of-a-second strategies? The All-Pro Dad Playbook 1. Spend time with your children-Value their interests and their schedules.
2. Earn the right to be heard-Listen first. Listen for how they feel. Listen for what makes them smile.
3. Discipline with a gentle spirit-Be aware (know what happened). Be alarmed (admit it bothers you). Be accepting (solve the problem but save the person). Giving Dads the Winning Edge How a dedicated group of professional athletes and coaches are helping fathers make a fourth-quarter comeback. How a dedicated group of professional athletes and coaches are helping fathers make a fourth-quarter comeback. Talking to your Son about Sex It isn’t as hard as you think. Here are some ideas to get started. You need to talk to your son about sex. You've put it off long enough. You know that it's your responsibility as a father. You search your memory banks for how your father handled this challenge and you only find a memory of "the talk" that happened much too late. Or, maybe that talk never happened at all. You rationalize that your son is only six and you can wait several years. So, you put it off one more time. Talking to Your Daughter About Sex Don’t expect your wife to do all the talking. Dads have an important role to play, too. It's true that your wife-or, if you're a single dad, a trusted female friend of the family-should do that talking about technical issues that women are better at understanding. But we dads play an important role in teaching our daughters what they need to know about men. Here are some of the lessons that we should be communicating: Lessons From A Househusband Think homemaking is just for women? So did this guy, ’til he took the job. Daily life had pulled an unexpected turn at the Wong household. Like an increasing number of men, I found myself unexpectedly without a job. Well, that’s not exactly right. Actually, while my wife, Debbie, spent her days as a social worker, I suddenly had two jobs: part-time free-lance writer and full-time househusband for Derek, our 4-year-old son.
1. It’s the toughest job you’ll ever have. Let’s just cut to the chase: This stay-at-home fathering business is difficult stuff! Whenever Debbie or other women used to mention how hard it is to be a housewife, I would always nod my head sympathy and mouth politically correct statements. But what I really was thinking was, aw, c’mon. You should have a real job like mine, with unreasonable deadlines, repetitive tasks and tyrannical bosses.
Now I know that no deadline is as inflexible as a child’s cry for breakfast, lunch or dinner; that the cooking—to say nothing of cleaning and washing—must be done over and over and over; and that a child can be the most demanding tyrant of all. What You Say, What She Hears 14 ways to sharpen your "language skills." It's a familiar story. The Knicks are playing the Lakers. It's 82-81 with just under two minutes left in the game and home court advantage in the play-offs is on the line. You click the picture-in-picture button and toggle between two other key games. Technology is your friend.
Your wife emerges from the bedroom, and you get that sinking feeling in your stomach. She was a little teary eyed last Tuesday because she said you didn't listen, and you resolved to be a little more sensitive from now on. The room is becoming filled with that tension that says she needs to talk now. So, sensitive man that you are, you utilize your multitasking skills.
You click the mute button and ask her what she needs. This is mistake No. 1, according to Tom Walton, a psychology professor and interpersonal communication expert at Warner Southern College in Lake Wales, Florida. Don't Give Up On Your Marriage In the movie The Patriot, Mel Gibson portrays a man who fights for his family by fighting for his country.
Who is the strong man today who fights to hold together his family? I'd like to say that it's the Christian man. But statistics tell us that divorce within the church is as high as outside it. What does this say about our strength as Christian men? Resistance to pressure always tests strength. The emblem on your favorite pair of Levi's is two mules trying to pull apart a pair of jeans, indicating the product's strength. In weight training, resistance to pressure tones and strengthens a body. As you grow in your manhood, resistance to pressure tones and strengthens your character. Don't Just Send Me Flowers! If you want to honor the women in your life, put away your checkbook. What they want, money can' buy. As a woman, what I want most from the men in my life isn't flowers, or candy or other gifts.
Don't get me wrong, these gestures are appreciated. But gifts by themselves are not a replacement for intimacy--the emotional closeness that sets the stage for relationship.
I would rather have a phone call or personal visit from my son than flowers. I feel honored when he shares his problems and the things that weigh heavily on his mind. When he tells me the plans and dreams he has for himself and his family, I feel a part of his life, even though I am thousands of miles away. When Penthouse Came To My Home 'I opened the door and saw the magazines...Lord, please help me not to overreact.' My wife, Lynne, gave me that look and suggested that I go upstairs and check on our youngest son, Casey. A couple of his friends had stopped by the house that rainy Saturday afternoon and the three of them managed to skirt upstairs to Casey's bedroom.
Lynne and I were preoccupied with other household chores when we realized that we hadn't seen them for 30 minutes or so.
I slipped up the stairs to see what Casey and his buddies were up to. It was just too quiet.
Sure enough, as I reached the top of the stairs, I noticed that Casey's bedroom door was shut —not a good sign. I quietly went to open the door to his bedroom, only to discover that the door was locked. Now, all sorts of alarms were going off inside me. My kids are supposed to know better than to lock their doors, I thought. Everything I Know About Women New Man's resident comedy writer explains chick flicks, shopping, menopause and childbirth. Be afraid ... be very afraid. After years of exhaustive research, scientists have recently concluded that, due to a bunch of complicated factors involving X and Y chromosomes, men and women have completely different genders. The full story was published in the medical journal called Duh!
I, for one, am tired of these periodic taxpayer-funded "studies" that "discover" glaringly obvious facts. I don't need researchers to tell me that women think differently than men ... or that a dozen Winchell's donuts does not constitute a balanced breakfast (unless you have an even mix of chocolate and maple). In an effort to provide readers with some truly useful information, with no public funding involved, I hereby submit to you my own findings based on 23 years of empirical research involving my wife. America's Family Man
How Family Circus creator Bil Keane is quietly waving a banner for Christian faith. In 1960, a cartoonist named Bil Keane put pen to paper and began inking the comic panel we know today as The Family Circus. Nineteen newspapers originally signed on to carry the fledgling panel, which chronicled the funny, unexpected and often touching vignettes that are common to every family experience.
More than 45 years later, an excess of 1,500 newspapers, boasting a collective readership of more than 188 million worldwide now carry The Family Circus, making it the most widely read cartoon panel on the planet. America has experienced an ever-widening chasm between what is identified as "secular" and "sacred." However, in his simple depictions of family life, Bil Keane has never made that distinction. Keane is a man whose commitment to whole and authentic living has been reflected in The Family Circus since the beginning. |
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