“Well Bill, we found an apartment not too far from here. But if I don’t find a job pretty soon, we won’t be able to pay the rent. We might be sleeping in our van.”

 

The unemployed father who spoke these words was not exaggerating. I met “Steve” and his family at my church’s monthly Pastors’ Welcome. Looking into his eyes, I knew he wasn’t bidding for sympathy. Form where he was sitting, moving into the family can was a real possibility.

 

And it scared him to death.

 

Steve’s nice clothes and the polite demeanor of his family did a pretty good job of concealing the stress of mounting bills. Because of corporate downsizing, Steve had lost a good job as a software service tech in Virginia. Steve seemed at ease that he had to move the family back to California in search of work. But the longer I talked with Steve, I began to see a family wrapped in a fog of discouragement, confusion and maybe even depression. Steve and his family were looking for a lot more than a new church. They were looking for hope.

 

I wish I could have handed Steve and his family several hundred dollars for the rent. I wish I could have made a few phone calls and landed Steve a well-paying job with full benefits.

 

I did offer him a referral to our church’s benevolence ministry, and the phone number of a few people in our church who worked in the same field. Maybe something would come up right before Christmas.

 

I was also able to give Steve something that might help him keep on going. Over the next few weeks, I talked to him on the phone, and when I saw him at church, I took a few extra moments to listen. And pray.

 

By doing so, I learned a little bit about how we can provide an informal emotional support system for other guys who are struggling with prolonged unemployment.

 

Even if he’s busy sending out resumes and going on job interviews, your friend probably has more time on his hands than you do. When he calls, you can demonstrate your concern by giving him some of your time. He needs to talk about his problems, and you can do him a world of good by listening. Go easy on the advice (unless he asks for it). Instead, be a sounding board.

 

Remind your friend that he is not alone. Losing a job is not unusual. The most important thing for your unemployed friend to remember is that he shouldn’t interpret his current state of joblessness as a personal condemnation. God may be working on him, but He isn’t picking on him.

 

Give your friend an opportunity to feel worthy. For some unemployed men, the worst part is being idle. They need something useful to do, not busy work. Connect your friend with the leadership of your local church.

 

The benefits of this are many: Your friend has something to do. He’s spending time with other people. By serving the purposes of God’s kingdom, he is protecting himself against the loss of self-respect. If he has some extra time on his hands, maybe he can use his talents or skills to help out families in the church.

 

While Steve was sending out resumes and going on interviews, he used some of his spare time getting a donated computer up and running for one of our benevolence ministries. By serving others with his expertise, he maintained feelings of competency and adequacy.

 

Keeping busy in these ways also reflects favorably in a job interview. The prospective employer who may question a lengthy period of unemployment might be impressed that your friend was not just sitting around waiting for things to happen.

 

Shortly after I had met Steve, we ran into each other at our church’s Fall Festival. We talked at length, and he shared how tension was building between him and his wife. This is not unusual. The frustration of being out of work an, for some men, the shame of taking “handouts” can easily erupt in the home. Irritants that would usually barely register as blips on the emotional radar screen can explode into abusive shouting… and worse.

 

Remind your friend that his wife and kids are his closest and most precious allies. Many families have found that the crucible of unemployment made them stronger. The head of the household can set the pace for this by leading the family in prayer. When the kids see Dad humbly bring this problem to God, they witnessing a vivid lesson in faithful dependence that is priceless.

 

Whenever possible, bolster your friend’s confidence. Remind him of the positive things he has going for him—without patronizing him. But even more important than building his confidence in himself, he needs to build his confidence in God. Pray with your friend and remind him of God’s love and concern.

 

Though painful, a period of prolonged unemployment can bring unexpected benefits. Few things in a man’s life will have the potential to develop a deeper, more intimate level of trust with his Father in heaven.

 

In Luke 15, Jesus told a story about a young man who experienced one of the severest cases of unemployment. He went from being an heir to a wealthy landowner, to sleeping with pigs.

 

After cashing out his inheritance, the young man took off for the farthest point from his family. He quickly spent all his money. Things got even worse for the prodigal when a famine hit the area he was living in. The famine, as cruel and as difficult as it was, had one very beneficial effect: It set the stage for the prodigal to come to his senses.

 

We don’t know much about the prodigal’s relationship with his father before he left home. But we do know what it was like when he returned. His father wrapped him in his arms, and welcomed him back home with kisses and a party. But the son probably wouldn’t have fallen into his father’s arms unless he had first fallen into the pig’s sty.

 

When I give friendship and emotional support to a man battling unemployment, I can do no better than to point him in the same direction as the prodigal: toward the Father’s house.

 

One of the many ways Promise Keepers has made a tremendous impact on today’s church is by encouraging men to simply get together. When those gatherings are in small groups, they often provide support for men in crisis. Men who are trying to pull themselves out of the pit of unemployment need the support of their brothers in Christ, especially those who have been through the same trial.

 

I ran into Steve again right before Christmas. He and his family had volunteered to wait tables at the annual “King’s Table,” a banquet our church puts on for families of prisoners and those in need. Steve was busily directing people to tables when he saw me. “Hey Bill, good news! I start my new job Monday!”

 

“Great Steve. Praise God!”

 

The rest of us can do our part to help men struggling with unemployment to find their way back to the Father who cares for them unconditionally.

 

By Bill Henderson.