Learning to Talk With My Wife Is Life-Changing

If you're like me, talking about your problems, issues and fears comes about as naturally as shaking hands with your left hand (surprisingly difficult and almost always awkward). I'm the type of guy who likes to work things out on my own. If there's a problem at work, I'm going to figure out how to fix it. If there's a weight on my shoulders, I'm going to bear it without complaint. I don't know why—I think it's one of those guy things about not wanting to seem weak in front of others. Regardless, it's just the way I've always been.

My wife, on the other hand, is the complete opposite. If something bad happened at work, we're going to talk about it. If she's got a worry on her heart, we're going to talk about it. If there's even an issue that might be coming up months down the road, we're going to talk about it and plan for it.

When we first started going out, I had no idea how to handle this. I felt like a nerdy white guy with no moves at a dance party (I know how that feels because I am one). Talk about my problems? Why would anyone want to do that? Let's just deal with them ourselves and talk about happy things.

However, over the years, one of the many things about my wife that I thank the Lord for is this desire to talk about our issues. God did not put us on this earth so we could live by ourselves; He made us relational people for a reason. We are not supposed to deal with everything by ourselves. We are not strong enough, smart enough or wise enough to deal, alone, with everything the world puts us through.

Of course, self-sufficiency is still something I struggle with. Last week I got some challenging news that was pressing on my mind. My natural reaction to this sort of thing is to deal with it, pretend it's not a problem and figure out what to do about it. Of course, for the whole time it's on my mind, I'm going to be grumpy and irritable.

So instead of doing what I was inclined to do, I just told my wife what was going on the first time we talked about it. Everything in me was screaming not to, that she would think of me as weaker. Everything in me was wrong. As always, she was wise, encouraging and sympathetic. After a five-minute conversation, the weight was off my shoulders.

Guys, I'm pretty young and I don't know a lot about marriage, but one thing I do know is that this world is tough, especially right now, and we were not meant to handle everything by ourselves. If you have a wife, share everything you're going through with her as soon as you can. It's one of the most intimate things you can do.

For you single guys, make sure you've got one or two friends in whom you can confide. It doesn't have to be about big things, either. Often I've found that in accountability groups, we talk only about things we think are important enough to share—it can make you feel a little weak to share what's really bothering you if it's not an end-of-the-world type problem. But if anything is on your mind, talk to your brothers about it. You'll be amazed at how freeing it is and how much they will relate to you.

Changes Are Coming to 'New Man'!

By Chris Glazier

In the ever-evolving world of online journalism, we're constantly analyzing the way we do things and looking for ways to make it better. The old rules for print publications no longer apply, and as we figure out the new rules, one of the things we rely on most is your feedback.

Last year one of the things we tried with New Man was a switch to a twice-weekly e-mail. The experiment taught us a lot. One of the main things we found is that you receive a lot of e-mail every week, and having two issues of New Man hit your inbox didn't necessarily make the reading experience better. Out of respect for you and the amount of mail you receive, as of next week we will be switching back to a once-a-week New Man eMagazine, which you will be receiving every Monday.

Along similar lines, we've also been analyzing how many of you actually sit down and read every story in the issue. The answer: not many. Most of you pick a story or two that seem likely to be your favorite and stick with those. To be honest, it's how I read other newsletters as well. We also found that most guys are clicking on similar types of articles every week. Based on that, we will be sticking with the two-article format for the eMagazine. We will be putting only our best two stories in the e-mail, the types of stories you were actually reading anyway. This should make the reading experience a lot easier and quicker for you.

What will we do with the rest of the content previously found in the eMagazine? I'm glad you asked. In the immediate future New Man will be relaunching a significantly improved Web site. The new site will have access to all our old and new stories. It will be much easier to use and updated frequently. Much of the smaller stories and fun stuff will be transitioned to the site.

As always you can rely on New Man to keep you informed on everything relevant to Christian men. Expect plenty of interviews with top Christian leaders, athletes and experts. Expect news that will keep you informed on events that will affect you. Expect honest insights and advice. And expect to have a lot of fun, too.

Our Annual Valentine's Chick-Flick Survival Guide

Don't worry, guys: Valentine's Day is Sunday, and you know we wouldn't leave you unarmed going into what amounts to the Super Bowl for girls. So we're back with the third annual New Man Chick Flick Survival Guide.

In case this is your first time, here's the deal. We know that we owe the women in our lives a good night this Sunday. They put up with our stupidity, they let us watch a lot of football, and they never get enough credit. Unfortunately, for many women a good night involves a chick flick, and that's where things get tricky. Most of us prefer our movies to have more fighting than flirting.

To help balance your woman's desire for romance with your aversion to sappiness, we've scouted the current chick flicks in the theaters to find the most acceptable solution to your dilemma. Granted, we couldn't stand to actually sit down and watch all these movies one by one, but we did do a lot of investigating.

Here's the lineup, starting with the least appealing:

When In Rome
Any time a fountain of love is prominently involved in a film plot, there should be a big red flag waving in every masculine brain. When in Rome is the cleverly titled movie about a girl (Kristen Bell) from New York who takes a trip to Rome. When in Rome (get it?), she steals coins from a fountain and is immediately set upon by a group of goofy suitors. Amid the zany hijinks, she falls for a journalist played by Josh Duhamel. This fills the romantic-comedy requirement of at least one journalist per film.

You get the feeling with a movie like this that a bunch of movie execs got in a room, put a bunch of chick-flick stereotypes in a hat and just pulled them out to create a plot. New York + Rome + fountain of love + hot journalist + goofy sidekicks = movie.

It's possible that something like this could have been pulled off with an unbelievable cast, but that's not the case here. Kristen Bell (Forgetting Sarah Marshall, Heroes) and Josh Duhamel (Transformers) have been decent in some lesser parts, but they haven't shown anything approaching the ability needed to save something like this. The goofy suitors feature some decent comedians (Danny DeVito, Will Arnett, Jon Heder) but nobody who's going to make us forget what we're watching.

When in Rome also has the unfortunate timing of releasing a few weeks ago, which means we have piles of negative reviews to browse. By all accounts, most thought that Duhamel and Bell might have been able to pull off a good romantic comedy, but there was no saving this hackneyed, ridiculous screenplay. Jake Coyle of the Associated Press says, "It's all exceptionally predictable and disappointingly laugh-free."

New Man recommendation: Avoid if at all possible. Sedatives might be necessary.

Dear John
Another Valentine's Day, another Nicholas Sparks adaptation. Ever since The Notebook turned out to be one of the best romantic comedies in recent memory, studios have been churning one Sparky adaptation after another. Unfortunately for the men of the world, The Notebook seems to have been a one-hit wonder for Sparks. What we're left with is a series of melodramatic, sappy tearjerkers.

The latest of these cheery flicks is Dear John, which somehow managed to finally knock Avatar out of the top box office spot last week. The film stars Amanda Seyfried (Mean Girls, Mamma Mia!) and Channing Tatum (G.I. Joe) as young lovers who know each other for two weeks before Tatum leaves for military service. That's right—two weeks. The rest of the movie details their long-distance relationship as they write letters to each other. If you do happen to get dragged into this movie, don't ask your significant other why they would write paper letters when they could pick up a cell phone. You'll probably get a dirty look.

Although Dear John put up strong box-office numbers last week, we recommend against it. First of all, the leads just don't cut the mustard. Tatum is about as expressive as cardboard, and Seyfried … well, just watch this trailer. You'll get the idea. Lots of crying, lots of sentimentality, and lots of bad acting. This choice line from the trailer seems to sum it all up: "Dear John, tell me everything. Write it all down, that way we'll be together all the time, even if we're not together at all."

New Man recommendation: It will probably be better than When in Rome but expect to suppress the urge to roll your eyes quite a bit. There might be some spouse consoling required afterward as well.

Valentine's Day
Like last year, a strong movie choice for Sunday unfortunately isn't there—but of all the options, Valentine's Day shows the most promise. It hasn't released yet, so there's a big question mark about how good it will be, but the cast alone should make it more appealing than the previous films.

Here's a quick rundown, in alphabetical order: Jessica Alba, Kathy Bates, Jessica Biel, Bradley Cooper (pictured), Patrick Dempsey, Jamie Foxx, Jennifer Garner, Topher Grace, Anne Hathaway, Ashton Kutcher, Queen Latifah, George Lopez, Shirley MacLaine and Taylor Swift. Oh, and Julia Roberts, too (also pictured).

How could they fit such a ridiculous number of stars into one movie? Instead of telling one long story, Valentine's Day is a series of connected short stories that all take place on the day of love. Similar to last year's He's Just Not That Into You, this movie has a style that takes out a lot of the set pieces and fluff that make chick flicks a torture and distills each story down to its bare bones.

This doesn't necessarily mean that it will be a good movie, but the nice thing is that if you hate a particular storyline, you just have to wait a few minutes for the next one to kick in. Plus, you'll probably get a kick out of seeing the sheer amount of recognizable faces they manage to cram onto the screen.

We don't know if Valentine's Day is going to be good, but we know you probably won't enjoy the other two movies. If your wife is in the mood for a big-screen chick flick on Sunday, this is probably the best bet. However, be warned that the PG-13 rating cites "some sexual material and brief partial nudity."

New Man recommendation: It's worth a shot.

Rental Options
If you plan on staying in this Sunday but still want to watch a flick, here are a couple of good options. Careful, though, someone might get you to admit that you secretly like them.

You've Got Mail
Tom Hanks and Meg Ryan are the ultimate chemistry combo on screen. Throw in a charming script, supporting roles by Greg Kinnear, Dave Chappelle, Steve Zahn and Parker Posey, and you've got a romantic comedy worth watching.

Sabrina
Here's one you might have forgotten about or missed entirely. We prefer the '90s remake to the original, mostly because the new one has Harrison Ford. Watching him play against Greg Kinnear and the lovely Julia Ormond is a treat.

Fireproof
If you really want to make God's love for your marriage hit home, this is a great way to do it. Fireproof was a movie phenomenon last year, and God used it in amazing ways to bring reconciliation to countless marriages.

Have a wonderful Valentine's Day, guys. Be sure to show your wife or significant other how much she really means to you, and give her the best night you can. If there's one thing worth celebrating, it's the God-given love of your wife.

If you're looking for more ideas about how to truly show your wife that you love her, check out our second eMagazine article today and get them straight from the source's mouth.

Chris Glazier is the editor of New Man. He recently publicly admitted to liking the movie You’ve Got Mail. If you would like to comment on this article or mock him for his movie tastes, you can reach him at chriglazier@yahoo.com.

When I’m Not Hearing From God

You know those amazing moments in your prayer life when you feel truly in fellowship with the Lord, almost like He’s sitting there with you? You feel the power of His presence, His love and His wisdom. Those are the joyous, wonderful moments in the Christian life, almost like you’re standing on the top of a mountain in communion with the Creator. It’s fantastic—except when it goes away.

The tough part about the Christian walk is that it’s not made up of one long spiritual party on the mountaintop. There are valleys in between those mountains, and they’re not fun. As of this writing, I happen to be in one of the valleys.

Everything seems a little bit harder. I’m still praying, but His voice isn’t coming to me with instant words of wisdom, love and encouragement. I’m still reading and studying, but the lessons don’t seem as powerful, enlightening or awe-inspiring. It’s tough. I feel alone, tired and more out of touch with God.

Why does this happen? Does it mean that my spiritual life is in the dumps? Have I not been doing enough, and now God is punishing me?

I used to think that way. If I wasn’t hearing God’s voice, I used to blame myself and try to force myself to pray more, or more fervently, until I could make myself feel closer to God. I bet you’ve tried that approach as well, since that’s how American men deal with all the other problems in our lives—by working harder. Of course, when it comes to our spiritual lives, it’s never that simple.

But one of the things I’ve learned from God’s Word and older, more mature men in my life is that God doesn’t stick you in spiritual valleys because He’s punishing you. He does it because He knows what’s best for you.

Our Father in heaven is the wisest father of all. He knows exactly what we need. If we need a spiritual epiphany, that’s what our Father will give us. If we need an arm around our shoulder, that’s what our Father will give us. If we need to figure something out for ourselves and toughen up, that’s what our Father will give us.

As Romans 5:3-4 says, “Suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope” (NIV). If you are in the middle of a valley like I am, know that God hasn’t left you alone. He’s giving you what you need. Have faith that, when this valley is behind you and you are back on the mountaintop, you will look behind you and realize exactly why God did what He did.

Tebow's Pro-Life Super Bowl Ad Takes Courage

Well, fellas, you've just been given another reason to watch the Super Bowl this year. If you haven't heard, Focus on the Family plans to air a pro-life ad featuring Tim Tebow during the big game. In it, the Heisman-winning quarterback and his mother, Pam, will share a personal story centered on the theme of "Celebrate Family, Celebrate Life."

Though the ad hasn't aired, the assumption is that it will center on the story surrounding Tebow's birth. When Pam was pregnant with Tim in 1987, she contracted a dangerous infection. She was working as a missionary in the Philippines, and her doctors there recommended an abortion. Pam refused. Now this story is to get 30 seconds of prime-time exposure.

When I first heard about the ad, my initial reaction was, "Uh-oh, that might turn some people off." See, as a Christian (and a Gators fan), I like that everybody likes Tebow. He's the rare public figure who everyone—from the talking heads on TV to the average Joe on the street—can agree is good. The only thing opposing college fans could criticize him for was being too good.

That might change after the ad. By taking a public stance on arguably the most controversial issue in America, Tebow is going to open himself up to a lot of criticism. Pro-choice groups are condemning the spot, calling on CBS to remove it from the Super Bowl XLIV programming.

Of course, nobody has seen the ad yet. But I'm guessing there's no way pro-choice viewers are going to enjoy it. And if they don't, they're certainly not going to feel the same way about Tebow after the ad as they did before it.

However, as much as I'd prefer for everybody to keep liking Tebow, I'm blown away by his courage to stand up for what he believes in. Though he's never been secretive about his view on abortion, he's now blatantly announcing his view to the world by appearing on an advocacy commercial.

In doing so, he's not just risking his current popularity, he's also risking his potential income. How many corporate sponsors will endorse an athlete who goes out of his way to support a controversial opinion?

But here's the thing: The goal of a Christian man's life isn't to be liked by everyone. Jesus certainly wasn't. As Christian men, we are called to stand up for what we believe, speak truth and defend those who can't defend themselves. Certainly we have to balance this truth with love, but trying to avoid controversy altogether is not in the bag. It's the coward's way out.

During an interview with reporters in Mobile, Ala., on Sunday Tebow said, "I know some people won't agree with it, but I think they can at least respect that I stand up for what I believe."

It worked for me. I have even more respect for Tebow than I had before. He knows he has a platform right now, and he doesn't know how long that platform is going to last, so he's using it to stand up for what he believes in.

I admire that.

What do you think?

Haiti Needs the Power of Giving

I've been reading through the Gospel of John for the last few months, and it's interesting to me just how often John quotes Jesus talking about giving to our neighbors. It's actually been quite convicting to me to realize just how much emphasis He placed not only on sharing His good news with others but also on caring for others.

I think sometimes we underestimate the power of giving. Of course, what's most important in the life of every person is that they accept Jesus and be made new; but nothing communicates Jesus' compassion to others more than our giving to those in need. We are God's agents in this world, and if we are not taking care of our brothers and sisters, how can they see God's love?

Right now we are seeing the greatest outpouring of giving in recent memory. The tragedy in Haiti is astounding. As of this writing, more than 70,000 people have died, and unfortunately that number is expected to rise significantly.

If you're looking for good Christian organizations that will provide both physical and spiritual relief for those suffering in Haiti, I've included a list below. Please give as much as you can. Also, stay tuned to New Man in the coming weeks for more on what Christians are doing in the devastated nation.

World Vision

Convoy of Hope

Samaritan's Purse

Global Aid Network

Click here for more contacts.

How Do You Pray?

One of the things I'm trying to do a better job with this year is making consistent time for prayer. I've always loved to pray. It's one of those experiences that makes the Lord so much more real in everyday life. When I can feel His presence and communicate with Him, my Christian walk becomes much more palpable, authentic and, frankly, easier.

I've always loved praying, but for some reason I've always struggled to find a daily time for it. I seem to find the time for Him either when I have the day off or when I really need His help. That's not the way to treat someone you love, much less the creator of the universe. "Yeah, God, I would talk today, but You don't understand how busy I am."

I'm sure that I'm not alone in this dilemma (or at least I hope I'm not). So I wanted to ask you, the fantastic New Man readers, for two things. First, how do you find the time to pray regularly? Second, what do you do when you are praying?

As to the second question, I've always found that the praise + thanksgiving + intercession + personal needs formula feels natural to me. I don't follow it every time—sometimes God takes me in different directions. But if I'm not "in the mood" to pray, this pattern works really well.

First, I try taking a few seconds of silence to calm my mind. Then I start to praise God. I praise Him for who He is, what He has created, and the amazing things He has done in my life.

This leads to thanksgiving. After acknowledging how good God is, I find that the things He has done for me (and in spite of me) always seem more amazing—and I want to thank Him for that.

Then I move to intercession, which is probably the most important part of my prayer time. Nothing will make you more loving to your neighbors than praying for them. Oswald Chambers once said, "Discernment is not a call to judgment, but to intercession." You really capture God's heart when you intercede for others.

Last comes prayer for my own life. This is crucial, because God wants me to bring my cares and concerns to Him. However, I'll say that they seem a whole lot different after I've been praying for others. Often by then, my own concerns don't feel like such a big deal.

So that's how I usually do it; but I love trying new things too. How do you pray? Do you have a certain technique or do you just let the Holy Spirit lead you. Also, how do you make time for regular prayer?